One Day, While Searching for my Ball…

This here post will be an attempt at two things:  1) Some comedy and 2) A rebuttal at my friend Dave, who threw me under the bus in his last blog.  (As a disclaimer, I must admit he never gave my name out, only a link to my myspace page.)

Let’s take a brief trip back in time, about 6 1/2 days ago to be exact.  Location:  Topsail Greens.  Time:  Approximately 11:08.  Date:  Friday, July 13th.  That’s right, the date should’ve been enough to warn us, but it did not.  Objective:  To play 18 holes of golf with my buddies Dave and Mark.  End Result:  Keep reading!

First off, if you’ve never been to Topsail Greens before, let me tell you this piece of info about it.  The first tee and the driving range (all 50 yards wide of it) are side by side.  The only separating boundary is the cart path and a few trees.  Good-sized trees mind you, but trees nonetheless. 

So as the story continues, the threesome tees off.  (At this point you could refer to them as Larry, Moe and Curly.)  Two of us slice the ball right into the range, one of us hits the ball straight.  That would’ve not been me, it was Dave.

After hitting my ball into the range, I decided to (while in the cart) go and look for it.  Dave was riding shotgun and protested the whole time.  “Dude, this isn’t safe,” he insisted.  I pretended I couldn’t hear him over the whir of the electric cart.  I proceeded to go about 10 yards to the right of the cart path and look for my ball, but to no avail.  I had just about given up hope when Dave says “Hey man, I’m grabbing my club and heading over to the fairway to hit my ball that went where it was supposed to.”  He continues by getting out of the cart (first mistake) and grabbing a club while never looking in the direction of the 4 people hitting balls from the range (second mistake).  I turned and saw Dave pull his club of choice out of his bag and start to walk towards the first fairway when I heard a clunk.  It wasn’t a hollow clunk, more of a solid clunk, kind of like a golf ball hitting someone in the head.  You guessed it.  Dave got whacked in the noggin.

I heard some words that I can’t repeat on family-friendly pages and got out of the cart to see blood pouring from what I thought was Dave’s mouth or nose.  Turns out it was only the back of his head that was bleeding profusely.  In all of our infinite wisdom, Mark (who for the record was sitting in the MIDDLE of the driving range, I kid you not, and was not touched by a ball) and I decided we had to get Dave to a respected medical establishment (and no, the bar at the clubhouse wasn’t our idea!). 

In the midst of our rushing to get Dave help, this 15 or 16 year-old kid comes running down the path in fear.  Dave assures him that he’ll kick his tail when we return, if he returns.  Just kidding, Dave was very cool about it and told him that these things happen and not to worry about it.  We finally get Dave to my car and I drive to Topsail Medical, where he is treated for nothing more than a goose egg and some broken skin.  The nurse said the cut didn’t even make it to the skull.  Bummer!  In all seriousness, it did take 5 stitches, a good amount of blood lost and what seemed like a lot of time.

Upon driving back Dave decided he would follow doctor’s orders and cut his round short.  Mark and I decided we had no intention of being quitters.  We care about Dave and all, but hey, this was a round of golf we’re talking about here, and we had already paid!

Now, if you’re still reading this, there are two morals to this story.  First, don’t ever get out of the cart when it’s possible you could get hit by a golf ball.  Second, if you do get out of the cart make sure you keep an eye, or two, in the direction of oncoming balls.  While Dave claims it’s my fault he got hit, if he would have only observed my two rules he would’ve been safe.  Y’all be well and keep your eyes peeled for range balls.